Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
