I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
