I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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