ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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