I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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