WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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