Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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