halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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