I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
