i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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