dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
