Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize