it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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