i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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