So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
