In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
