Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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