why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i've created a new STD.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Randomize
