You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
