its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
