Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
