My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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