Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Dicks are not precious.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
