Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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