I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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