The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
