just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
