I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
