Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
