You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
