When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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