mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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