The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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