Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
