took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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