I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
