i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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