Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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