There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
