hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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