doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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