She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
