how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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