if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
All I want is dick and wine.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
