girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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