Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
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Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
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"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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