yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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