I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
