my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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