I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
