I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
