hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
