Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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