12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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