Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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