She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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