While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
