Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You're so nebulous sometimes
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
