We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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