During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
