i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
