so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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