dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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