God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
