Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
