It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
