using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You're a waste of cheezeits
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
