I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
