I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
