He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
