Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
