Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
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I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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