It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
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This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
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You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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