I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
