Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
