All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
