I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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