is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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