Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
