Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
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isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
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IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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