Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
