Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
