I'm eating all of the evidence.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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